HOLDING A GRENADE

Do you ever feel like you are trapped inside a closet and you have something to share but you aren't sure how others will react or what they will say if you were to tell them your feelings? It's like holding a grenade and trying learning to move one muscle at a time so you can just let it go and explode. Family and friends that know me, know that I am a very open and outspoken person. It is s curse from both sides of the family. With that being said some of you may not know that I also hold a lot in afraid of disappointment and hurting others. I know...shocking right???

Well to be honest it is the truth. I have absolutely no problem speaking my mind and putting others in check. However, I find myself when I something to talk about that I am struggling with or hurting over I can't find the words or courage to speak out upon them. Most of the time I just hold it in or write it down thinking that I am telling someone when in reality I am not. It's just a book with words that maybe one day my children will read but no one will read it now and help me.

Having my Grandpa pass has changed and affected me. Watching someone you love die at home and being their caretaker is a very life changing experience. Not only do you learn that life is to short, but you learn that in order to be happy you must use your voice. My grandpa wasn't afraid to do that. And even though his words may have been hurtful he was completely honest and was doing for a good purpose. Yes there are times he has said things to me that were very hurtful and down right mean but in all honesty he was doing it out of the goodness of his heart because he cares. 

Sometimes you just have to be blunt and speak your mind even if it hurts others while inside you're killing yourself for not saying something. I am learning that when I have this grenade I am holding in a closet I need to take the steps and let it go by sharing it.

I can't really explain all that I am holding on to and need to get out because it is personal but know that you are not alone. And together we can learn to move one finger at a time so we can tell others and not live in a dark spot because no one, and I mean no one deserves to live in a place like that and feel trapped holding a grenade alone.

The world is a cruel place unfortunately but you can find some amazing and decent people if you just search and open your eyes. Some might be just in front of you and you have been in a dark place to long to see them. I think if we move forward and start taking steps forward to the light and learn to take one finger off the grenade we will be able to express ourselves more and not be so scared. 

♥XO{ST}